Fascinating FAQs

What makes you an international superstar? My charming wit and scintillating personality, plus the loads of cash I’ve just been given makes the press chase me like hungry hounds.

What will you do with the million dollar advance for your first novel? Buy a house so I don’t have to live in the corner of someone else’s. A million dollars after tax should just about get me a normal sized house in the UK.

How does it make you feel that your book’s first print run was more than Dan Brown’s The Lost Symbol? Gutted for Dan, poor bloke. Doesn’t seem to be able to do anything right.

Okay, so those are the FAQs that I’d like to be asked. Below are the actual questions I’m frequently asked.

Will you go out with me? No. No. A thousand times no.

Why is your hair like that? Because it’s my style, yo.

Do you want fries with that? Do I look like I’m a greasy potato?


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